A mother gone

I lost my mother on 05/16/2007, she was 44, would have been 45 in July. She had a heart attack, it was devastating. My little sister had gotten to our house as the paramedics were bring her out and my sister knew she was gone, I on they other was at work when I got the call and made it to the hospital before she did and as the ambulance pulled in and when they pulled my mom out they were still doing CPR on her. What seemed like forever the doctor had came in to tell me and my little sister that our mom was gone, my dad had not even made it to the hospital yet, it was like time had frozen. I could see the doctor’s lips moving but couldn’t actually hear what else he had said. I remember grabbing my sister and holding on to her and I remember at one point I looked up to see my Aunt who is my moms best friend standing in the door distraught. They next few days were a complete fog, I can remember making the calls, my moms older sister was going with my dad and I to a funeral home to make arrangements(who would of thought at 26, I would be sitting in this small little room making arrangements for my own mothers funeral knowing that she was only 44 years old) as I sat there I kept pinching myself hoping that I would wake up from this nightmare but I didn’t, I can remember people in and out of our house, my moms youngest sister sleeping on our couch, I can remember how much of a bitch I was to my husband, who at the time we were not married yet(God knows that man loves me after all the shit he had to put up with because of me and I still thank him everyday for staying by my side at least as much as I would let him at that time) etc…My moms funeral came and there were so many people there but I don’t remember half of who was there due to the daze I was in, still to this day, someone will mention something about that horrible day or something about the funeral and I will not remember it. It has been 14 years and it still feels like yesterday. She has missed out on so much. Weddings, grandchildren, life events not only with her only family but with her friends as well. I talk about her often, I want my own children to know their grandmother as much as possible. People always say that “time heals all wounds” that my friends is a damn lie, I believe that we learn to deal with the loss and live with the hurt, it has been 14 years there is still this huge hole in my heart, so time definitely did not heal my wounds. I found a cassette tape(you heard correct, a cassette tape) at my dads last weekend and the label had her name on it, so I asked my dad what it was and he said he wasn’t for sure but still had my sisters old stereo in the garage if I wanted to see what was on it. I knew I probably should not have went to the garage but I did and I listened to the tape, it was a training tape from when she worked at a telemarketing company for a bit and as I was listening to this tape it was like a slap in the face, it has now been 14 years and I cannot remember my own mothers voice, the voice that I have heard for 26 years of my life…I was standing there on a toolbox of my dads because I could not reach the stereo listening to this whole tape and I cannot remember her voice, at this point I am in tears and my dad comes in and points out her voice. I calm down somewhat but it is clear that I have been crying and my little sister asked me what was wrong and I told her and in that in that instant she started to cry saying “that she cannot remember moms voice either” and my heart broke all over again. My sister may be an adult who is married and has children of her own, but to me she is still my baby sister and I just upset her. It was like 14 years ago where I grabbed her and hugged her. I didn’t mean to upset her but in the same since I was kind of glad that it wasn’t just me that couldn’t remember. When I got home, Revis could tell something was wrong, let’s face this man has known me for 20 years and can read me like a book, but he told me my brother in law had the software that can transfer VHS tapes to a DVD. I am going to give this tapes to him to transfer and also make a copy for my sister to have as well. I know I am rambling at this point, but the moral of this story is to treasure every moment with your family because tomorrow is never promised. I love my mom and miss her every single day and will for the rest of my life.

Published by mrsrevis333

I am a wife, a mother of 2, one of which we recently adopted, a clinical triage nurse. But mainly I am me, crazy, goofy, weird(not in a creepy way, LOL), likes to laugh a lot and embarrass her kids, loves to hang out with family and friends. And enjoy life.

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